Financial Aid

Sunday morning I received an email from Long Beach stating that they had processed my financial aid forms and that I would in fact be receiving money this year. This was great news to me because I had spent a large part of last week freaking out over my financial situation. Over a year ago I was faced with the decision of choosing work over school because whilst at Cal State LA, I did not receive any sort of help. My university experience had felt like a complete disaster and I didn't know what to expect in the future. Up until Sunday morning, this thought had been lingering in the back of my mind- the fear of having to drop out of school.
My transfer to Long Beach earlier this year was extremely unprecedented but after a year off I was itching to get back into school. This time, rather than sacrificing my education, I took a large pay cut and became a full time student. I'm proud of how well I did and am so glad to know that CSULB financial aid will allow me to continue.

The trippiest part of this entire thing, to me anyways, is that this may actually be my last year of school as an undergrad. I can hardly contain all the joy I feel. My closest group of friends have all been done and I've felt like a complete failure all along, but I think I've taken out of this more than they will ever know or possibly understand. They had the perfect four year experience: partying, moving out, making new "life long" friends, partying some more, and graduating. My path has been anything but that. Working full time (3 jobs at a time even), having to pay bills, contributing to my household, chauffeuring my siblings, having to take time off of school, all so different from what I know my friends went through. This is what makes me so damn proud. 

AHHHH! My senior year will start in two weeks and I cannot wait for it to fly by me. I know this won't be the end of my education because there is so much more I want to do, like to receive my PPS credential with possibly an MSW, but the significance of finishing - the first in my family to do so- is pretty damn exhilarating. I can't wait.

Theory

I'm sitting with me best friend Crystal and her friend Sammy at the public library. It's pretty fascinating sitting with the two, talking theory, and venting about the ignorant people we encounter in this world. We three are minorities and understand the challenges we must face in order to succeed. Also, as minorities we feel empowered through the education and knowledge we have acquired.
I realize I am very critical and harsh when it comes to the subject of race, and specifically white people. It does not make me racist, I feel that I am just a realist. I know that I live in a diverse city, full of culture and vibrant life, but I also know that there are people here who do not wish me well. People who do not expect minorities to succeed and thrive. I'm not saddened by it. It is a reality. It is also a motivator. I, personally, have not been victimized in my education about race but I have experienced racism. Not just once or twice but a few times. It was horrid and humiliating. The memories alone make my blood boil. This boiling, infuriating feeling gives me more drive though, than anything. I will be successful, not just to make my parents proud, but also as a model to others like me. I want the kids that I intend to work with to know that I struggled and over came. That those kids too will one day reach their dreams and goals.
Argh. I realize this is coming off preachy. This is because I've had a damn good conversation about race with these two people sharing this table with me. Definitely nerd matter, but so necessary sometimes, just to get the annoying things from class out of my chest. Enough of me. I will update with a much more happy post that I've been meaning to write up. Au revoir!

For Starters...

For months I've been telling myself to start writing a blog. I do not ever document anything other than dates on my calendar but I think my experiences and encounters are worth writing about. Hopefully this will work out, if only to help me release all the emotions - anger/frustration/thrills- I feel after class.
After 5 years of on and off education I am finally about to start my final year of university. Although it is so close and attainable there are a million things I fear may go wrong. I don't know how or why I've become such a pessimist but I feel so much has gone wrong with my education that I will never finish this quest as an undergrad. I'm determined though, not only because I'll be the first in my family, but because it genuinely means so much to me. My education has been the one tool I feel most important in getting me through this thing called life and I'm determined to work the hell out of it!
I feel this will be a completely nerdy blog but I see it necessary in my life, specially because I'm used to ranting and raving to people. They need a break. A blog is also a better alternative to a limited 140 characters on Twitter. Ah, ok. Enough.